Jose swished through the beaded fly screen: “Doing anything for lunch today?” he asked as I lounged outside post breakfast watching the approaching storm clouds.  “Well, actually no.”  “Awesome! I just need to finish my abs – then we’ll go” he said.

One downpour later we headed off to the south of the island where the water is translucent turquoise and the residences truly sumptuous.  We lunched from the heights overlooking a  fisheye lens view of Mediterranean sea and then hopped back in the car again to see what we could see.

We came to a road block.  “There’s no way they can stop us going down the road here, that’s outrageous” said Jose.  “It’s against the law in Spain – it’s just not allowed.”  He went up to the sentry box and spoke to the lady.  Sure enough within a few moments the barrier was raised and we nipped through.  “You see, I know my rights, S – that’s important.”

A winding cliff clinging road produced more breathtaking views and the spectacle of some super abodes.  “Look at that one!” Jose cried. “These are the big hitters right here. That pool is virtually overhanging the ocean.  Now that’s what I call inspirational real estate. Awesome! Thing is – wouldn’t you be kicking yourself if you spent €30 million on a villa, like this one, and then that guy came and built one in front of you!”

We stopped off for a swim in a cove that was hard to find and rewardingly devoid of the crowds we’d experienced elsewhere on a mid June day.  Trees surrounded the small bay and turned the water a crystal emerald green.

A short power nap later and we were on the road again – back to party central at one of the most chic venues on this island. “Sunday evening was always the time to come here” I said.  “It still is” Jose replied.  “So my friends in London tell me.”

Beautiful people abounded, the VIP areas were many and the bottles of vodka the largest I’d ever seen.

I spoke to a Dutch lady as transfixed as anyone was by the sights of everyone checking everyone else out; it was the only thing to do really. “There are lots of gorgeous looking men here”  she said to me.  “Exactly” interjected Jose.  If I had a beach club like this I’d have a strict policy – two girls to every guy, it’s way too unbalanced otherwise.”  She and I looked at each other, took in the surrounding view and smiled.