I was at a schmancy hospital about to see someone about my – self diagnosed – shin splints.

Three smiling nurses greeted me at reception. “You have an appointment with Mr B?”  “Yes.” “Please sit over there and we’ll come and get you when he’s ready.”

I had no sooner placed my bum on the seat when one of the nurses called me: “Miss P, could you come and see the doctor now please.”

I was led into a spacious bright consulting room where Mr B sat quietly behind a large desk.  Introductions were made.  As I started to relate the story of my aching bones there was a knock at the door. A nurse appeared carrying a tray with a pot of coffee, croissant with various accoutrements and biscuits.  “There you are Mr B. Will there be anything else?”

“No” he replied smiling and looking at me: “Would you, um, would you like something?”  “Oh!  I’d love a coffee” I said.  How fabulous!”  “A croissant as well?”  “Sure, why not!”

I went into raptures:  “It’s so five star here! Do you get this every morning?  What’s for lunch? May I take a picture?  I write a blog…”

Mr B looked startled and handed me a menu. “It is good. Of course we have to pay for it. It’s not exactly free. When they built the main hospital across the road the planning permission was for a luxury hotel but it didn’t end up as that.”

He decided to send me for some X-rays.  “Just come up to me afterwards, I should have the results by the time you’re back from the basement.”

Astonishing! I thought as I made my way down in the lift.

A nurse greeted me, providing me with a very stylish backless wrap, dressing gown and white towelling slippers.

“Is that the six-month smile?” she asked, grinning as she opened the door to the X-ray room.  “You mean my braces?  Well, actually it’s supposed to be four months but I think I’m almost there.  Have you had them?” “Yes” she replied flashing her flawless Kate Middletonesque teeth at me.

Even my bones looked gorgeous back up in Mr B’s room on his perfect screen.  So smooth, so white, so straight.  Was there anything here that wasn’t amazing?

His prognosis was received and I got up to go.  He looked at the tray.  “Take the croissant with you if you like?”