The lady driver this morning was from Ireland, unmistakeably. Thank the Lord for Irish humour. People tried not to smile, but by the time we got to Oxford Street laughter could be heard. Laughter! On the tube!
Her monologue went something like this:
‘Okay, move down the carriages – plenty of room.
‘Right, there was a signal failure on the district line near Fulham earlier, but that was two hours ago so no need to stress out about that’.
‘Now, at Edgeware road there’s only one lift operating – so women and children first. Just kidding. Anyway I’m not sure how many there are – two maybe? So when they’re working that’s how many there are…I think’.
‘Okay, we’re approaching Marylebone. Now this is what I call the tears and tantrums station; people come in from the overground and there’s always a rush to get on and off the train and a very crowded platform. I’ll keep you informed as we approach the station and let you know what it’s like today’.
‘Right. I’m just going around the corner, oh yeah, it’s pretty busy, hold on to your hats. Okay, now you might have to get off the train to let others get on – but don’t worry, I can see you – I won’t leave you behind…. okay – everybody on? For the fella at the end of the platform – Mate, do you want to jump on now, we’re about to leave?’.
‘Right, I’m about to close the doors, make sure your bags, ties, coats, whatever aren’t in the way – don’t have me calling the little Japanese men now to poke you all in with a stick. That’s grand’. .
‘Okay. Now we’re almost at Oxford Circus. Em, I’m sure you’re already aware there’s works going on at this station, it means you can’t get into the station before 10.30 because there’s too many people – and the escalators….well. Anyway it’s going on until next Spring, so get used to it’.
Everyone off? Have a great day and thanks for using the Bakerloo line’.