We sat up at a breakfast bar for our first meal of the day which is in no way an insignificant repas here at Club Med (www.clubmed.co.uk).

“Have you been to this village before” a lady next to me asked.  “Yes, as a matter of fact this is my fifth time here.”  “I’m not surprised” she replied.  “We’re from Niagara Falls – near Toronto – and we’ve tried to come here numerous times in the last few years to no avail; it’s always full!  Last September the minute booking opened for Da Balaia summer 2014 we checked in.”

“Well, the food is so outrageously good for starters” I said.  “Oh, yeah, we’ve been to a few villages in the Caribbean and while they’re excellent – they knock it out of the ballpark here.”

My second five course meal that day included fish carpaccio with a Portuguese sauce followed by fillet of Ling accompanied by creamed spinach, mashed potatoes and crispy courgette and aubergine beignets.  I tried to draw the line at that before moving on to the cheese course and dessert, but unfortunately it wasn’t possible: I’d spotted the fillet of chicken pan fried in garlic and Jerez vinegar and I was a goner.

Dessert presented amongst other options a chocolate fountain surrounded by strawberries, and Crepes Suzette with orange brandy sauce.

I just about made it to the end of the ‘Spectacle’ in time to see ‘Le Grande Surprise” take place on stage.  From a distance I could make out a tower of coupe glasses over which the Chef de Village poured bottle after bottle of champagne to pumping music. Even from this place at the back of the room I could see his teeth were dazzling white.  Instinctively I touched my newish braces. Club Med was being good to them, but they were certainly getting a work out.

That night I dreamed a Chinese dentist checked on how my teeth straightening was going. He informed me he’d have to take a tooth out.  “But, that’s the one that’s most crooked!” I cried as he approached me with a dangerous looking implement.

They say too much cheese before bed gives you bad dreams. I woke up thinking about what I’d eaten the day before… Clearly my nightmare was fromage fuelled, but it’s a side effect I can live with when the pictures are this good.

Tweeted by Club Med 4 June 2014